Alright boys, this one's for you

Alright boys, this one’s for you. It’s a touchy subject, but I recommend you read this because there might be a chance you’re messing up your game and not realizing it.

The problem: Pressuring girls.

Wait! I’m not talking about sex or even pressuring with malicious intent. I’m talking about subtle pressure that guys put on girls without knowing they’re doing it.

And how could you know?

Seriously, we seldom tell you, and it’s not like you mean to be a jerk.

What do I mean by subtle pressure? Here is an example that might be helpful. When pressured to sleep over at a guy’s house the other week, I gave in.

He argued it was late, and, instead of offering to walk me home when I said I didn’t want to sleep over, he kept reminding me how it wasn’t safe for a girl to walk alone this late at night. I was interested in him but to be honest, I wasn’t ready to sleep over.

Of course, once we got into bed we started hooking up. When he tried to take it a step further, I nicely but firmly stopped him.

“Why?”

“What’s the problem?”

“We’ve already been hanging out for two weeks!” He clamored. “It’s not like we’re going to have sex.”

But the answer was no. He made me feel bad for not giving him what he wanted and so obviously it turned me off emotionally. But what surprised me was that I lost complete sexual attraction to him from that point forward. It’s a shame he did that because the guy is really cool and really hot but I can assure you there will not be a next time.

Sex or any type of intimacy has to come naturally. Boys, girls connect emotionally! And we are horny! When we feel the time is right, we’ll let you know. At the beginning you might have to deal with a few cases of blue balls or a few nights without a little spoon, but the payoff is worth it. You’ll know when she wants it, trust me.
 

Read more of Ariel:

'To reject and be rejected'

'Drunken hookup independence'

6 comments

Michele

Tue Dec 1 2009 16:23

woah, some of you are being completely unfair to her and being really personal with your criticism.First off, they were friends so why wouldn't she eventually give in when he kept asking her to stay, especially when he brought up the whole "it's not safe thing". She also might not have wanted to hurt his feelings. Also, just because she decided to stay over didn't mean she was saying yes to hooking up. What i got from this blog is that he moved too fast, and that is never attractive. I totally understand the situation the author is describing and i agree.

Myungjoo

Sat Nov 21 2009 16:03

Interesting!!!
I did have those kinds of expriences. Guys tend to be anxious and nervous that they will not have a chance unless they push it. But the answer is patience. The only guys who know it will be rewarded. haha

geekgirl

Mon Oct 26 2009 11:00

Oh--and additionally, instead of telling guys to back off (they won't, nor should they if a girl is dumb enough to get into bed and start "hooking up" with him when she doesn't want to), you should probably be telling women to just say no if they don't want to hook up. It's easy. "No." "No, that's okay, perhaps some other night." "When I'm ready, you will be the first to know." "I don't think this is the right time and/or place." Unless you're dating a rapist (and any guy who doesn't understand that no means no falls into the un-date-able category, imo), "no" works wonders.

Ladies, take some responsibility, please!

geekgirl

Mon Oct 26 2009 10:55

Or, you could have slept on the couch. Or, you could have kicked him out of bed and made HIM sleep on the couch. Or, you could have called a taxi in lieu of walking home. Or, you could have made him take you home. Or, or, or.

Don't get into bed with a guy if you're not ready to "hook up." Put on your big girl panties and just say no. :)

Predictable

Tue Oct 13 2009 13:25

I was wondering when the Lantern's annual slut column would appear.

Let's see....
You don't want to sleep over.
Guy suggests you sleep over.
You don't want to.
Guy tells you it isn't safe and you should sleep over.
You say OK.
You get into bed with the guy and start "hooking up"
And somehow you blame him for "subtle pressure"?

You're supposed to be an adult. How hard is it to say no and walk out.

Oh yeah, it's that "subtle pressure" thing.

Get real, sweetheart.

Gahannakid

Fri Oct 9 2009 22:44

O-H-I-O !

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